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Look Away Part Deux

Okay, so I was a bit premature in my posting.  I’d not quite finished the last chapter.  I was literally four pages away from the following:

How wicked it would be, if we could, to call the dead back!  She said not to me but to the chaplain, ‘I am at peace with God.’ She smiled, but not at me. Poi si torno all’ eterna fontanta.

It is not clear to me that those are her words, but at a minimum they are C.S. Lewis’ words.  The quote means, roughly:

Then she turned back to the eternal fountain.

It is, of course, a quote from Canto 31 of Dante’s Paradiso.  In context, Dante is asking Beatrice to use whatever means she may employ to ensure that the soul she has helped to save (his) will not be lost somehow after this visit.  Beatrice’s response, in full:

So did I pray.  And she, however far away she seemed, smiled, and looked at me.  Then she turned back to the eternal fountain.

If it is not clear, the “eternal fountain” is, of course, God.  Throughout Paradiso, Dante continues to look upon Beatrice while she continues to gaze upon God.  There is a great deal of imagery surrounding “vision” and “looking upward” and light in Paradiso.  In any event, Beatrice’s momentary gaze with a smile upon Dante is essentially all she could do.  The beauty that is God does not allow one to look away when faced with it in purest form (when you are transformed into that purest of forms).  The only reason, presumably, that she can look away at all is the purity of his request to her and its relation to God.  Her looking away is such a small thing but, simultaneously, such an amazing demonstration of her love because it requires that she look away from the Perfect Love for even a moment.

Anyway, C.S. Lewis is obviously and intentionally calling upon the imagery of Dante and Beatrice in his work A Grief Observed.  In context, it is really quite a wonderful image.  I am happy to have noticed it before being slapped in the face with it several pages later.

C.S. Lewis is also concerned about another potential problem that he notes in A Grief Observed. He points out that it is a distinct possibility that he may deify or simplify his lost wife in his mind.  Somehow, this will make the process of getting over her easier, but in some way to violence to her actuality.  He uses the phrase, we always have another card in our deck (or something like that) to describe the ability of any person, even those most dear and known to you to surprise you at any moment.  This is a repeated concern for C.S. Lewis in his book.  C.S. wishes to avoid making the memory of his wife into anything.  In reality, he simply misses her, all of her, actuality.

Dante on the other hand goes out of his way to deify and simplify his affection for Beatrice.  In fact, that is in part his goal or at least his vision for his work.  Whether or not he really had the feelings he describes in himself regarding Beatrice, he uses it as an artifice to build her up as this divine being.  So far as I recall, not having read through to that point yet, Beatrice’s home is in the same Heavenly sphere as Mary the mother of Christ.  That is quite a claim!

In actuality, Beatrice was apparently quite a bit older than Dante and died when he was 25 or so (from what I read).  In any event, they never had a real relationship in any sense of the word.  To history’s knowledge they may have met a grand total of two times.  I’m sure we don’t know this, exactly, and he may have seen her numerous times on the street or whatever the 15th century version of stalking was, it may have taken place.

I think it all the more interesting that in the grieving process, C.S. Lewis clings to reality (which is precisely what I do) and shuns any fictional characterization (more likely mischaracterization) of those lost.  Dante’s work, in contrast, required just this.  It would have been terribly boring if he hadn’t made her so worthy of his adoration.  And, for purposes of his imagery of directing his “eyes” to God, both in the real world (apparently, she was the motivation for his interest in matters of faith) and in the next, Beatrice served as an excellent metaphor.

Both works are beautiful, one for being so “raw” and “real” and painful, the other for being so lofty and full of lovely imagery.  I’m glad for the happenstance of reading them so near in proximity to one another.

Look Away (Into Heaven Fair)

I sang that song as a baritone (long before I really was a baritone) in 5th grade music class.  Ahhh, Ms. Patello.  She was a lovely woman.  I’m glad she was my teacher.  Apparently, after looking around on the Internets a bit for some lyrics or other tidbit about this song, I am one of about four people to sing it in the last 60 years.  I can’t even find a scrap of evidence that I’m not crazy.  The song exists!! I swear!

So, I began re-reading Dante‘s Divine Comedy in the last month or so (not quickly, obviously) simply to enjoy an image at the end of the final book, Paradiso.  At the end Dante sees (and describes) the Divine Trinity.  Dante (the fictional Dante, not the actual Dante), still obsessed with and in love with his Beatrice looks to her.  She is already much entranced by and in love with the Divine Beauty, Perfection and Good.  She, literally, cannot look away because her soul and will are so pure as to only wish to look upon the ever-changing, ever-perfect God as she circles in the closest Heavenly sphere.  Dante looks to her and, in the reflection of God in her eyes, finally (and for the first time, really, in the book at all), his eyes are directed to God because he sees the reflection of God in her eyes.  It is quite a stunning and beautiful image (written in poetry, no less!).  I’m not back to that image yet.  I believe I’m in Canto 7 of Paradiso at this point… Getting there!

Tonight, as I read A Grief Observed, I noticed a similar image.  I’m certain in retrospect it is probably a purposeful or at least subconscious reference to Dante by C.S. Lewis. I picked up A Grief Observed, several months ago following the end of my engagement.  I have heard and read that the end of a marriage or very long relationship is very similar to a death of a dear loved-one.  So, I knew of A Grief Observed, having attended a lecture series on that single book during undergrad, and respected C.S. Lewis greatly.  I thought I’d give it a go as a first thought.  I was not disappointed.

In any event, as I re-read through that work tonight, I came across a passage that said:

And, then, of her and of every created thing I praise, I should say, ‘In some way, in its unique way, like Him who made it.’

Thus, up from the garden to the Gardener, from the sword to the Smith.  To the life-giving Life and the Beauty that makes beautiful.

The clear allusion struck me. I always loved the image from Dante.  It stuck with me perhaps better than anything else I learned in undergrad (sad?).  I am hopeful that I will find another in this life whose eyes, heart and mind point the way to God so clearly as Beatrice did for Dante.

All our relationships are gifts.  As Mr. Lewis describes elsewhere in the book, perhaps the loss is just one more stage of the courtship that must be endured.  Even in the best of cases, assume you die holding hands with the one you love most in the world who dies simultaneously with you.  You both are still separated one from the other.  He strongly indicates he has no clear understanding of what exactly happens in the afterlife, but he’s sure that death is at least in one sense final.  What would be the point of going on together in a simply different form?  It wouldn’t make sense.

So, we all fall in love knowing that at some point in some way that love will be lost.  Neither of us are getting out of here alive, so to speak.  So, there’s an element of finality and mortality in every human relationship.  Life in the moment cannot be more important than that.  Realize that you share these moments at every moment with someone who is a gift from God that could be taken away at any time.

I also liked this little quote from C.S. Lewis:

You can’t see anything properly while your eyes are blurred with tears.

Ain’t that the truth.  I’ve felt that oh-so-strongly in the last year or so.  Hopefully, that has, for the most part, changed.

Munchhausen By Proxy

Okay, so I love Zooey Deschanel.  Case in point:

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The short version is she has style, intelligence and is ridiculously cute.  So, she was in Yes Man with Jim Carey this winter.  I thought it was great fun.  Her “pretend” band Munchausen By Proxy has several songs in the movie I recently purchased on iTunes simply because they are hilarious.

The first is “Sweet Ballad” embedded below.

The second is “Uh-Huh” the lyrics of which are reproduced below:

I should have been the one to break up with you
You said, Who are you? Who are you?
I wanna snap your neck and spit on you.
You said, Who are you? Who are you?
If I got a call and said you were dead
You said, Who are you? Who are you?
I’d shrug my shoulders and I say what-ev
You said, Who are you? Who are you?

Hey have we met before? Oh yeah I think we have
Because we only dated for four and a half years
No big deal, I’ve only witnessed you sitting on the couch
Watching Next in your undies,
But its cool that you act like you have no idea who I am.

I saw you Amoeba records last night
You said, Who are you? Who are you?
You straighten your hair and had a henna tatto
You said, Who are you? Who are you?
I wanna shove your face just shove it.
You said, Who are you? Who are you?

My mother thinks youre in the closet
You said, Who are you? Who are you?
Its so weird because when we used to go out you never even liked the TJ wantons
And now we have to drive all the way to marvista or some stupid place and eat
Some stupid butter-nut squash raviolli or something because you took the last bag like some
immature little clown.

I saw you Thursday at the Arclight
You said, Who are you? Who are you?
I was on a date you ruined my night
You said, Who are you? Who are you?
I saw you shopping at the trader just
You said, Who are you? Who are you?
I see you everywhere it really blows.
You said, Who are you? Who are you?

Hey, did you ever meet my friend Ian?
He’s a coumputer hacker.
He helped me erase your Myspace page,
And your band’s Myspace page,
And your Facebook page.
Happy networking asshole.

So remember all the stuff you forgot
You said, Who are you? Who are you?
After you just bought.
You said, Who are you? Who are you?
I’d like to see the look on your greasy face.
You said, Who are you? Who are you?

It sold for sixteen hundy on eBay?
He said, I know you. I know you.
Uh-huh.

One of the reasons I like the movie is that it is very “LA.”  They openly mock the middle of the country (from which I am from, thank you very much), there are a number of prime LA locations in the film (such as SpaceLand, the Griffith Observatory and Downtown LA).  Obviously, a few others are mentioned (and linked) in the song above.

If you’re not from LA, you mght not really appreciate those lyrics, but if you’ve lived here a while, you get the picture that the singer (and her ex) is a bit of a hipster around LA.  TJ’s (Trader Joes), Amoeba Music and Arclight (perhaps the Arclight least) are demonstrative of a hipster lifestyle.  Anyway, its very nice color on the backdrop of Zooey’s character as you are meeting her, essentially, for the second time.  You learn alot about her if you are paying attention during the songs without exposition.  That is always nice in a film.

Anyway, I found the music funny and somewhat sound-nice-ish.  So, I thought I’d share.

What have I learned?

I have been wondering about this.  Perhaps its a bit morbid, but I think it may be a good exercise.

  1. To think about others.
  2. To loosen up a bit.
  3. That you can love and be life-long friends with someone who is not for you.
  4. That one should avoid those who are emotionally unstable.
  5. That a year off can be a wonderful time.
  6. That distance kills.
  7. That almost isn’t good enough and that communication is everything.
  8. Faith is not something to be “supported.”

I’m sure I’ve learned much more, but I want to avoid disparaging anyone.  I’ve loved them each in their own way.

Please, Give me a Second Grace

I am going to cross-link to this post primarily because it’s awesome and I want to be able to find it again later should the need arise.  I’ll do this in the guise of some commentary on commentary…  How appropriate to the web.

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I found the following commentary on music in The Royal Tenenbaums.  In a nutshell, it is awesome.  First, it generally accurately describes the complexity of the two main characters, Margot and Richie.  Second, the author clearly has a greater understanding of the plot and the relationship of the music to the plot than I ever put together in spite of the fact that I loved the music enough to borrow the soundtrack from my then-girlfriend for an entire summer.

Third, reading this article completely changed my understanding of the movie as a whole.  Before reading this, I always felt like the movie was about Royal.  However, after reading this, I realized this is not the case.  Of course Royal is a jerk, but he is also right about virtually everything he said.  He’s brutally, brutally honest, but almost always truthful (lacking in one significant instance, of course).  Though, his observations about the behavior of his family and children are, largely, dead-on.

I realized after reading this article that the movie is actually almost completely about Richie and Margot.  Their improper but inescapable affection for one another is the driving force in both of their lives.  It, essentially, destroyed their otherwise promising careers and life-trajectories.  Interestingly, a loss of love also virtually destroyed Chas.  A lack of love growing up also had a poor effect on their neighbor, Eli Cash.  Seemingly, every character is struggling with a missing love or an unattainable affection.

I won’t try and recreate the article here, but it is masterful.  I am all the more a fan of this movie having read this article and having re-watched the movie. You should do the same.

Ignacio Ignacious

So, I’m at the UCLA Medical Center getting my wrist-arthrogram on. My wrist is crazy swollen all filled with the Barium injection stuff. At least I think it’s Barium. Anyway, it’s a good time.

Sounds like there’s nothing wrong. Great. So, I guess that means it’s been on-and-off hurting for like 2 years for no reason? I guess it was virtually immovable for a week and a half for no reason too. Son of a goat. Anyway, say a little prayer for me and a healthy wrist. I gotta get this figured out. I’m too young to be this old.

Papillon Parade

I just really liked this image after listening to Masterfade by Andrew Bird.

Papillion Parade

Nathaniel and Daffyd

nathanielanddaffyd

I’m not really much of a fan of American Idol.  Though, my roommate Ricky loves it.  Each time I’ve seen the constestant Nathaniel Marshall, I’ve been subtly reminded of the Little Britain character Daffyd, the self-pronounced “Only Gay in the Village.”  Nathaniel just seems to be trying way too hard.  Piercings, odd clothing, ear-studs, headbands, tattoos and a downright boisterous personality.  I’m just saying there’s a resemblance between the two.

Gibson SG

So, I picked my guitar last night after probably over a year.  It was nice to realize that I still have very aspect of “Say it Ain’t So” and “Everlong” memorized.  I even took the time to learn a new song.  Oh, I’ve missed my guitar.

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Perhaps more interesting was my distant, nostalgia about “Everlong.”  I hope to be there someday about… honestly… so many things.  It gave me hope.  I am also reminded of “The Longest Winter” every other day or so and how I felt after Melissa broke me down and ended me emotionally for about a year or so.  I hopt that’s not where I am, though, here it is 7 months later and I’m still a mess.   Time will heal all things, I suppose.  Waiting on hope…

Parallel Perks

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Imagine, if you will, the mischievous smirk I witnessed on the face of a young woman this evening as she watched her significant other attempt to parallel park on 10th Street in Santa Monica.  She was quite amused by his ineptitude.  I laughed (and smirked myself) at her good humour.  He was not a good parallel park-er.